When somebody tells you over and over who they are, believe them

This turns out to be really hard to put into practice when you’re hearing something new from an old friend. It seems they must be going through some terrible crisis, that they’re not themselves, when they say things like “no matter what you say, you will never change my mind.”

The first time they say this to you, you will say to yourself, perhaps also to them, what the fuck? The second time they say this you should realize they’re being deadly serious. Every time after that, it’s on you that you don’t understand that nothing you can say will make any difference to their immovable position.

And what exactly is their immovable position? Only this: no matter what you say, I don’t care, you’re still wrong and I’m still right.

If you ask what they are right about they will simply repeat “whatever you say, you will never change my mind.”

When you are locked in a tense conversation only about frayed emotions, will and a need to be right, the only way out, since words, thoughts, appeals to friendship and mercy are of no use, is to finally believe that what your one time friend is now insisting on is his absolute truth. Now you will simply have to accept it. Nothing you can say will change it, as has been said over and over.

You don’t have to like it, of course. The point is you won’t like it, nobody likes to be told, essentially, to shut the fuck up. In the end though, you have to believe what they’re telling you, there’s no point wasting your breath in a conversation where nothing you say can will make a difference in any way.

One last metaphorical kick in the nuts, and be on your way, my friend, there’s no longer anything here for you.

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