Category Archives: “funny”

Very stable genius, July 12th edition

The left just won’t stop reporting things that embarrass the most stable, brilliant president in American history (just ask him). The other day the rabidly communist New York Times reported that Qatari Air Force One apparently did not get state of the art security features installed during the recent upgrade, which is why the president flew back from Turkey in another Air Force One. This NY Times story infuriated the president, who had told another story entirely about why he switched planes coming back from the NATO summit.

So beleaguered, obedient FBI director Kashyap Pramod Patel was summoned to the White House to get busy issuing subpoenas to the four NY Times reporters who wrote the story to testify under oath in a grand jury (top secret!) exactly a week after their “leaked national security threat” story on Qatari Air Force One came out. No time to waste, no time to lawyer up to protect traitors who leak!!!

Many will call this hounding of journalists who publish facts that embarrass the Leader, armed agents of the unmistakably weaponized FBI serving them summonses at their homes, a fascist tactic. It does violate the First Amendment, among other things, but, recall, our president is very special — and extremely sensitive. And NATIONAL SECURITY!!! And look at how disrespectfully the eggheads treat him! Here’s know-it-all historian Heather Cox Richardson directly quoting the president to make him look… I don’t even know how to describe it:

By 11:18 PM on Friday, Trump’s fury had turned back to Iran. He posted on social media that if Iran tried to assassinate him, “Locked and Loaded” missiles would begin to rain down on the country “to completely decimate and destroy all areas of Iran—PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!”

Today he turned his anger toward those questioning his mental acuity, particularly New York Times journalist Maggie Haberman, who commented on MS NOW about his reference in Türkiye to the “Islamic State of Japan.” At 12:23 PM he lashed out at “Maggot Hagerman” and then, to refute her claims, wrote that he “just finished a perfect physical at Walter Reed, I do it every six months, and I requested another Cognitive Test, the only President to do so, three times, and I aced them all—Got every question right. Few people in Washington, D.C., could do so, including Maggot and her flunky associate, Jonathan Swan. I would be willing to bet they couldn’t get 50% of the questions right.”

The White House said Trump was referring to a physical he underwent in May.

Then, at 3:16, the president’s account posted a screed of almost 450 words complaining angrily that “I win the Election IN A LANDSLIDE against the entire Dumocrat Party,…against almost 100% negative press and Fake News,…especially Maggot Hagerman, one of the most unattractive people in the News “Business,” and her lightweight assistant, Jonathan Swan…. All I do is WIN, often against all odds,” yet no one compliments him on his great successes . . .

. . . [In response to Walmart clarifying that Trump had nothing to do with their 15% drop in meat prices for the summer] White House spokesperson Kush Desai clarified on social media that the president’s “announcement was that the sale is extending all summer long,” adding, “The media’s obsessive need to try to undermine any good news when it affects President Trump is pathological.”

A rant about the news media took up most of Trump’s long post, as he insisted that those reporting his bad poll numbers and policy failures “have no credibility…. If the Election was held again today, I would win by even more—Actually, much more!” he posted. “The Dumocrats don’t have what it takes, their Policies are wrong, and they are, generally, stupid people. They are going COMMUNIST because they are a desperately ‘sinking ship,’ and there’s not a thing they can do about it.

“Instead of writing inaccurate, false articles, for over 10 years now, shouldn’t it be time that they say, ‘We give up, we can’t beat him, there seems nothing we can do.’ Isn’t it time they say, ‘TRUMP IS THE BEST POLITICAL ATHLETE OF ALL TIME! CONGRATULATIONS, MR. PRESIDENT. YOU HAVE BEATEN US FOR 10 YEARS, AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO WASTE OUR TIME FIGHTING YOU ANY LONGER. WE CAN’T WIN. DO A GREAT JOB, SIR, RUNNING OUR COUNTRY. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!’” source

Take his statements one by one and you’ll see how unfair Heather is.

If a foreign country targets and kills your leader, it is the supreme Act of War, greater than killing a million civilians, or 175 young people at a girls’ school a hundred times over. If Iran killed our president, we’d be morally entitled to retaliate with epic nuclear fury, ask Mr. Hegseth, Stephen Miller, JD Vance — ask Trump. It’s not like the United States would ever commit a war crime so serious as the targeted assassination of another nation’s leader. Oh, wait…

It’s true Trump did make a little Freudian slip at the recent NATO meeting, calling out the Islamic State of Japan when he meant to say, obviously, the Evil Islamic State of Iran. But everyone knows Trump likes to have fun when he talks, DUH! He was just trolling the Japanese, who, you have to admit, kind of deserve it, considering what they recently did to us at Pearl Harbor, and how disrespectful their leader was to Trump in the Oval Office on her recent visit… and President Putin, perfectly disguised as Ukrainian lawyer and comedian Volodymyr Zelensky, had no problem being mischievously called Zelensky by Trump’s playful “slip” of the tongue. Trump is just keeping everyone on their toes with his patented Weave. Maggots like Maggie “HAG-erman” Haberman keep trying to viciously dehumanize Trump for his all too human behavior.

Ah, I can’t go through every one of the distortions by the left above, but you get the drift. It’s those goddamned, godless COMMIEs again, millions of ’em! They hate our freedom and our way of life. They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating the naked children from the so-called Epstein files!

Why this hostility to incoherence?

Incoherent, incoshmearent…

Like many other observers, Nichols [writing in the Atlantic] noted that Trump was “incoherent” in Ankara. He referred to Iran as the “Islamic Republic of Japan” and referred to Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky as “President Putin.” In an off-with-their-heads! moment, he also announced he had ordered Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent to cut off all trade with Spain. source

I mean, will the commie press and radical left pundits never tire of torturing this staunch warrior against communism, wokism, racism against White Christian Soldiers, unfair anti-Klan hatred, Truth, Justice and the American way?  I mean, just look at how the NY Times is viciously attacking Mr. Trump (no wonder he’s suing them for $10,000,000,000). This first incendiary headline is from today:

OK, that’s fair enough. Iran (quite likely) started the war and now they risk reigniting it. No argument there, at least not in this headline. But most of the time The Gray Lady and their ilk are just mercilessly bashing Trump over and over. No president in history, according to Trump, has ever been subjected to this kind of coordinated attack by virtually everybody who is not directly profiting from his amazing presidency.

Like there’s something wrong — or abnormal — with a president marking the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence by holding a campaign rally for himself!

Friggin’ COMMIES!

Self-evident truths denied at 250th birthday bash

National Rent-A- Fence plus DANGER!! Explosives!

The wall Mexico paid for (along with the Restricted Area, Do Not Enter sign), erected around the White House during the end of Trump’s first tumultuous term, before Mr. Trump fixated on his plan to build an impenetrable, state of the art, top secret Führerbunker under what used to be the East Wing of the White House.

Meanwhile, the price for consideration for a presidential pardon, for serious crimes (no pardon attorney necessary, cash only) starts at $6,000,000, I’m hearing. Which is TOTALLY normal. Ask Clarence Thomas, Ginni Thomas, Samuel Alito, his wife, John Roberts’ wife, John Roberts, etc.

Come on in, the water’s fine

No cover-up!

“I don’t have to cover anything up, I am the boss. Sick, deranged, smelly, corrupt communist activist judges don’t get to tell me what to do.”

“I didn’t shit my pants, you shitted in my pants!!! What kind of sick people do such things? I will kill all of you disgusting traitor fucks, watch!”

Random Headlines

Translation: I hate you. I’m going to sue you and destroy you, while making your life a living hell. I have a gigantic and powerful legal team, an entire agency, The Department of Justice, all personally loyal to my agenda. These legal pit bulls will make you sorry for the day you were born.

Great men are entitled to have outbursts when confronted with demands from their inferiors.

We innovate by never listening to the pretentious so-called experts on any opinion about science or medicine. We will continue to lead by never backing down, no matter how autistic we may become from the continued use of Tylenol.

Sports in a corporate culture

Trump sat behind bulletproof glass at Madison Square Garden with his fellow self-made son of a billionaire James Dolan. The cheapest seat in the building, outside of the suite of free luxury box seats provided to Trump, Lutnick and co., was the $1,500 standing room ticket NYC mayor Zohran Mamdani bought for himself. The average ticket price was over $10,000, maybe over $20,000 — VIP courtside seats were over $50,000 each.

The NBA championship brings in obscenely HUGE dollars for the owners and their corporate alter-egos. The NBA commissioner himself welcomed Trump’s visit that closed down ten square blocks around MSG, imposed TSA restrictions on the fans wealthy enough to attend the game and created even more traffic pressure and chaos in the already choked center of downtown (not to mention the loss of a ton of money for local businesses). Here’s NBA commish Adam Silver, from a blandly apolitical take on ESPN (owned by Dolan?):

Though Trump and high-profile basketball stars such as LeBron James have exchanged social media barbs over the years, NBA commissioner Adam Silver said the president was a “genuine Knicks fan” who was “welcome” at the most-anticipated NBA game in New York since the Knicks’ last Finals appearance in 1999.

“What makes sports so special, especially when there’s so much that divides people, is that it’s something we have in common,” Silver told ESPN’s “Inside the NBA” during a pregame interview. “We should look for those things we have in common and build off that.” source

Inspiring words from this handsome corporate rascal:

The Very Picture of Health

You have to admit, he looks great, as always.

Meanwhile, in under-reported news, Trump is holding strategy meetings with government election deniers, including his new Postmaster, David Steiner (whose position on election denial is unreported, as far as I know), about combatting non-existent election fraud (on the voter side, anyway) and 100% debunked claims of voter fraud by mail — and what the USPS can do to enforce Trump’s executive order banning mail-in voting, a prophylactic against Blacks — and other voters he considers illegitimate fraudsters from ‘anarchist jurisdictions’– attempting to run the country by unfair majority rule, (over his dead, racist body).

President Donald Trump’s attempt to impose federally approved voter lists on states and restrict mail-in voting is moving full-steam ahead.

White House officials have held discussions in recent weeks about putting the plan into action with the help of the Justice Department, the postmaster general and a known election conspiracy theorist who’s been put in charge of “election integrity” at the Department of Homeland Security.

According to a government official with direct knowledge of these discussions, the talks have involved top administration officials at particular departments. The official responsibilities of the individuals involved hints at how the government is planning to implement — and defend — the policy in court. This source provided evidence that these discussions have involved DOJ Civil Rights Division head Harmeet Dhillon and her deputies; U.S. Postal Service CEO David Steiner; and Heather Honey, a far-right activist whose disproven research fueled Trump’s 2020 election challenges.

Honey is now the DHS deputy assistant secretary for election integrity in the department’s Office of Strategy, Policy and Plans. She has been described as a “protege” of Cleta Mitchell, a Republican lawyer who guided Trump as he attempted to cling to power after losing his 2020 reelection bid. source

Election Fraud conspiracy theorist Heather Fucking Honey is now the Department of Homeland Security’s deputy assistant secretary for ELECTION INTEGRITY in the department’s Office of Strategy, Policy and Plans (one shudders to think what that office actually plans). Only in MAGAland, folks.

Honey’s security team is likely the same Proud Boy contingent that guarded super patriot ratfucker Roger “Stop the Steal” Stone, before he fled Washington the night of January 5th, 2021.