For Shame

To avoid shame, some people lie.  The lie may cause them to feel shame, about lying.  No problem, though, because a lie can be told about lying.   Though this may cause yet more shame, it can’t be helped, which is a shame.

You Just Have to….

When you are pushing a rock larger than yourself up a steep hill, even if you have chosen the rock yourself, you’ll encounter moments when the heaviness of the rock, the steepness of the upward incline and the seeming futility of the task will overcome you.  At such moments you may find yourself calling out to those who care for the strength to go on.   At such moments, few people have anything of much use to say.  One of my favorites is “you just have to….” with the advice that follows.

“You just have to not look back,” since you’ve only gone 6% up the immense incline.

“You just have to be strong,” since you will die if the rock rolls back over you when your strength gives out, as all strength eventually succumbs to gravity.

“You just have to remain positive.”

“You just have to keep on pushing.”

“You chose the rock, you just have to embrace the challenge.”

All so true, they bring tears to the eyes and a quiver to the arms, hamstrings, calves and back.

My Father’s Heartfelt Story

My father, a critical man who criticized himself most of all, lamented that my sister and I never sought his advice.  I wonder what he’d make of how deeply one story he told me shaped my life.

It was the story of the starving wolf and the well-fed dog who met on the road.   The dog, after expressing his concern, told the wolf he had plenty of food at home and they trotted off.   The wolf noticed fur rubbed away at the back of the dog’s neck and asked “do you have a skin disease?” 

“Oh, no,” laughed the dog, “that must be from my collar.”  The wolf slowed down, asked what the collar was.  The dog explained, then told him it was used for the leash, which he also explained.  The wolf stopped, thanked the dog, and trotted off in the opposite direction, as I did.

Gratootisblahg

I’m trying to recall, in the cold light of day, the many things I thought about last night, at 3, 5, 6 and 7:00 a.m., that kept me from sleep.  Sure there was loud snoring, but I’ve slept through that many times, joined the hearty chorus myself, no doubt.  There was that idiot banging garbage cans outside starting at 6:14 a.m., but he didn’t wake me, I was up. There was a parade of thoughts, no doubt, books I’d like to write, see in print, read from and talk about to nodding, laughing audiences in book stores.   There are places to do this, even today, in our shrinking corporate culture.

One thing I didn’t think about last night, I’m fairly certain, was an idea I told the mother of a struggling musician recently.   She applauded the idea, even though it was an impossibility that would require a total remaking of American society and its so-called values.  She’d mentioned the difficulty her talented daughter had finding an audience for her music.  She probably also mentioned the many millions generous, socially conscious superstars like Bruce Springsteen, Beyonce and noted philanthropist Britney Spears rake in.

“If Springsteen  and Britney and Beyonce each gave $2,000,000 a year, a fraction of their income, to a fund a music exchange trust fund, thousands of  talented but unknown musicians could be paid $30,000 a year to play five or six gigs a week at schools, Nursing Homes, Veteran’s hospitals, orphanages, hospices, hospitals, children’s aid societies, work houses, prisons, concentration camps, enhanced interrogation centers, etc.  That way you’d support generations of inspired songwriters and performers and allow them to live as working musicians with a large and appreciative audience they could entertain and inspire.”

“That’s a great idea,” said the young musician’s mother enthusiastically.  And it is.  But it wasn’t one of the things I was thinking about last night that kept me awake.

Is It Just Me?

In this age of information, it’s only a matter of typing a few words and hitting ‘enter’.

US Federal Deficit $1.09 trillion

Cost of Iraq and Afghanistan wars  $1.4 trillion

Cost of Bush tax cuts over first twelve years  $1.28 trillion

Is nobody else doing the math as we argue about cutting social programs?  

I leave it to you to check the accuracy of these figures.   They explain, in part, why that speechifying wartime president has been scarce since leaving the White House, except when he nips out to earn $100,000 or more to speak English, after a fashion, to cheering corporate audiences.

 

The Darkness Reaches for You

Last night an old friend described his waking horror, a stream of sinister associations in the blackness of early morning that woke him and continued on their own, torturing him in a way he could hardly explain, and really didn’t need to.  Started his day off with an unpleasant bang at 4:30 a.m.

Describing it to another friend earlier in the day had left him with the great pantomime, his friend’s miming of the terror, coming up to grab you with both claws, with that intent look on its face.   His friend reported it had been a long time since, but the thing had come up on him that way recently as he was trying to get some rest.

Call it what you like, the hideous hands reaching up to pull you down into its deadly embrace, lucky is the person who has not felt it.