Morbid thoughts

We’ve gone through a recent plague, a plague on all our houses, Death dashing merrily through the land (and still reaping a good harvest of souls even now).  The NY Times silently notes in today’s Coronavirus Tracker that there were 90,428 new cases in the US yesterday, 37,770 hospitalizations and 473 Covid-19 deaths. 

473 deaths, ladies and gentlemen, that’s like 80 mass shootings, yesterday.  That’s close to a month’s worth of daily US military veteran suicides, which Obama noted are about twenty per day (thank you for your, uh, service…).

Multiply that number, 473, by 7 and you get over 3,311 dead Americans this week. From Covid-19.

With death swirling around us, and threats of death in the news, riots if F POTUS gets what would be coming to any citizen who’d done any of a dozen things he’s done, it’s natural that the mind turns to morbid thoughts.   

I limp to the other room, wince my way down a flight of stairs to get my glasses, climb back up, jaw set like I’m scaling a cliff.   Fucking hell, hyalouronic acid, WTF?  On my nose, already a cratered battlefield of minor cancers removed, the tingling of a new basal cell.   Fucking hell.  Got to find a decent dermatologist, one who won’t push me into a chair, make a generous cut around an invisible basal cell and simply cauterize the edges of the excavation because he’s not being paid enough to do the much less scarring Mohs surgery that was approved.   The new glasses seem to be working OK, though once I have the cataracts removed, and my vision is once again correctable to 20/20, all bets are off.   Blood in the urine, nothing to get excited about, simple and gross hematuria, doesn’t happen that often, but a trip to the urologist is in the cards as we’re monitoring high PSA numbers.  That literal pain in the ass?  No idea, have to find a proctologist, the one I went to for my last colonoscopy has apparently retired since then.  

Funny thing, though, the relief I got from the burning anus, in the form of some kind of medicated suppositories, seems to have turned the hematuria bracingly painful one day.   One day after my urologist emailed “sure” to my question about whether I could take phenylephrine HCl 0.025%, which had a warning about consulting your urologist if you have an enlarged prostate and difficulty urinating (I didn’t have any difficulty when I consulted my longtime doctor).  I could not urinate. Needing to pee and being unable to gets your attention, for sure.  Then, a small, bloody trickle, it felt like I was trying to pass a kidney stone, a sweaty several hours drinking copious amounts of seltzer (counterintuitive that when you can’t piss you have to flood yourself with liquid, but true)  until I was able to pass a soft clot and have an ordinary piss, without cowering.    Can’t sit here much longer, at the moment.

Just another day in the life of someone my age.   Getting older is not for the squeamish, boys and girls, but also, when you consider the alternative, it is the best thing going.   And a reminder, while we are here, to keep on doing the very best we can for ourselves and the people we care about.

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