The Boiling Brain

Sometimes, it seems, it’s just impossible to turn off the brain.   You find yourself thinking about a belated email that arrived intimating that even though you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve made somebody feel bad, just by being yourself, and, fair or not, that can’t be tolerated.  At the same time a pessimistically awaited email doesn’t arrive in response to your fourth or fifth attempt at communication.  The silence in your tiny family, something strategically used to great sadistic effect by your poor father in his day, has grown impossible not to notice.   The world turns, people fight over everything you can think of– and things you could never think of– and then it gets dark out and by and by everyone in your time zone is asleep.  Some are even dreaming of beautiful, wondrous things.

But sleepy dreams are not in the cards for you yet, are they?   There’s the train of thought about how to act like the person you need to make peace with is not basically Donald Trump.   When I say Trump, emotions immediately get revved up.  I simply mean a compulsive teller of things that are not true and someone not capable of ever apologizing to anyone for anything.   Basically, Trump.  

That will cause a vigorous denial from that fellows defenders  — this serially lying non-apologizer is nothing like Trump!   He has a full head of his own hair!   He is not a slimy transactionalist (thank you, Donnie Deutsch) — well, he may be, but only when he has to be.   His political views are quite progressive, he certainly does not oppose a woman’s right to choose abortion!

It’s fair to ask:  Who died and made you the Pope [1]?

We don’t hang out with people who make us feel bad, as a rule.  You make me feel bad enough, I’ll forget this ahimsa shit for just long enough to swing this ax and… there, isn’t that better?   I know it is for me.  

“Why did you kill him?” the officer will ask.  

“He made me feel bad,” says the killer.  

“Oh, if that’s the case, I totally understand, let me get those cuffs off you, sorry about that!  Have a nice day.”  

“Have a blessed day, officer.”

I’ve read that when you can’t sleep you should not remain in bed.  Get up, go into another room.  Read, drink a warm liquid, let yourself feel tired, relax, give in to your need to sleep.  You need to sleep, yes, and sleep will come for you after a while, it always does.  If sleep does not come, you will begin to hallucinate.  You want some really wild shit to happen inside your boiling brain?  Just deprive yourself of sleep long enough — it’s a torture that breaks everyone in the end.     

Well done, I’m actually quite a bit drowsier now than when I sat down here.   Thanks for keeping me company, now, if you’ll excuse me…


[1] my sleep-starved brain added “of explaining, delicately, that while an adult sexually using a child is a criminal, arguably a pervert, a sinner, a practitioner of evil practices … well, the Church does not tolerate or endorse this kind of sick, evil, harmful behavior even though, as a practical matter… well, you see.. it’s very, very complicated? ”    

 Why is it even this humanist Pope can’t get himself to admit the clear evil his church tolerated and protected for God knows how many centuries?

This entry was posted in musing.

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