Category Archives: “funny”

Now you know the rest of the obvious story…

Rather than fanning the vague and hateful lie that there is widespread voting fraud, on all sides, and here’s another example of it, reports should always mention that voter fraud in the US is fleetingly, statistically insignificantly rare, except for the Stop the Steal crowd. 

Here’s what is missing from the report on the previous post, and, no, it is not members of both parties who are warned by judges not to intimidate witnesses at their trials, that’s a MAGA/Mafia/Nazi thing.  Buried toward the end of the article published in the Times Union, dateline Troy, NY:

Crist is a former news reporter and longtime GOP political operative in Rensselaer County who has wielded enormous influence in local politics and for many years has been McLaughlin’s political confidant. Wallace is a former Republican legislative aide in the state Assembly and Senate who also has a private political consulting business. Gordon is a former Troy mayoral candidate and a member of the North Greenbush Town Board.

The charges include allegations that the trio conspired to use their official positions to violate the constitutional rights of subordinate county employees to intimidate them into requesting and filing absentee ballots, according to federal prosecutors.

source

What a fucking shock.

Unregulatable Second Amendment freedom

The sacred Second amendment reads:

 “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” 

Or to those looking up the text of the sacred Second amendment on the internet, the first thing you will read is the interpretation of the “Originalist” Supreme Court who decided 5 to 4 what it actually means in the original intent of the holy, infallible framers

Unconnected to service in a militia, obviously, because if they’d meant the government shall not restrict the ownership of guns for members of a well regulated militia, they would have so stated, obviously, duh!

And it’s worth remembering, Antonin Scalia was a genius.

Imagine what a curse this is

Imagine you are on stage at your junior high school, playing the piano. Your parents are in the audience, along with several of their closest friends.  As you play, your father turns to his best friend, a guy who was always like your funniest uncle who is also a guitar player.   Your father says quietly to this guy “it’s a shame she doesn’t have the discipline to ever become a great concert pianist.  We started her too late, that other girl is so much better than her.”

You will of course never hear about this, unless decades later this beloved uncle figure is suddenly rejected by your parents as the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler.  The transformation became necessary after he witnessed embarrassingly human behavior and your parents both felt humiliated by his moral stance.  Uncle Hitler might write something like this, like this thing you’re reading right now:

You were a musical prodigy, my dear, the independence of hands that you had at the age of 6 was as amazing as your ability to play full classical pieces by ear.  Your musical talent was mind blowing, off the charts, phenomenal. But your parents, who, as I only recently learned, are both narcissists and see the world as strict hierarchy, black and white, win or lose, glory or shame, didn’t understand that somebody with your degree of musical talent should be guided by love of music to wherever that talent takes her. 

In their ignorance/arrogance your parents decided they could harness your love of music to instill discipline in you by forcing classical piano lessons on you.  I always gave them the benefit of the doubt on this, neither one realized that the greatest musicians we know often can’t read music.  You know the long list of these Paul Simons, John, Paul and Georges as well as I do.  You hated these lessons, and the straightjacket of classical piano training, although you easily mastered everything they required.  You fought a succession of these overmatched teachers, who were surrogates for your implacable fucking parents who wound up needing to convince you, decades later, that, among other things, your beloved uncle was actually Uncle Hitler. 

I am so sorry to be the bearer of this unbearable, but hopefully helpful news, that your feelings about the unsafeness of the world are based in real experience, and you are not to blame for the hurt you feel. I’m there with you now, in solidarity.

My door is always open to you for any insight a guitar playing mass murderer who has known you since you were born can share. 

Have a nice day, and if you will excuse me now, I have to get back to my unslakable, inchoate rage and ongoing mass murder project.  I’m on a timetable here, dear, and the clock is ticking.

Love always, 

Your Uncle Adolf

I take no pleasure in this

But you might, cuck

Here’s the NY TImes with a deadpan account, the last line of which is kind of funny:

Live Updates: Fox News Parts Ways With Tucker Carlson Days After Dominion Settlement

The announcement came less than a week after the network agreed to pay $787.5 million in a defamation lawsuit in which Mr. Carlson’s show, one of the highest rated on Fox, figured prominently. He was said to be surprised by the move.

Easy Enough, no?

After being told to do 180 repetitions of each of two painful knee flexing exercises two days after surgery, and being given an uncomfortable position, involving a pyramid of pillows, to sleep in (impossible to even maintain after about 120 reps that day) I was close to turning into Rush Limbaugh from oxycodone. The narcotic did not dampen the extreme pain but made me so angry I was on the verge of becoming an irrational racist, misogynist, homophobe.

I eventually found the sense to drag myself into the other room where, sitting at the computer, I eventually found this, from the National Health Service in England. This information is contained nowhere in the pages the hospital and PT folks left me with before or after my knee replacement. Item number two allowed me to go to bed and get some sleep, which is the best and only medicine when you are overwhelmed, exhausted and in pain the drugs don’t fix.

How fucking hard would it have been for someone who treated me to impart this valuable info to me, folks?

The “Twitter Files” and Hunter Biden’s dick pix

Jim Jordan and the weaponization of government select committee have made a big deal about the supposed Twitter files, an even more explosive story than Hillary Clinton’s emails or her clear guilt in the death of four Americans at the embassy in Benghazi, Libya. Their claim is that Biden and the extreme left have used government power to coerce Twitter into censoring and suppressing the truth, including intervening to prevent posting of pictures of Hunter Biden’s penis. Just like the liberal corporate media! The Twitter files controversy may well be complete bullshit, but it’s something to get mad about!

When one of the world’s richest men, with unknown wealthy autocratic funders like Putin, Mohammed bin Salman, the ghost of Benito Mussolini, bought the public square that is Twitter, he immediately fired most of the content moderation folks and limited access to any view that did not agree with his right wing worldview. At the same time new CEO Musk gave unfettered access to right wing extremists, restoring accounts that had been banned, including the account of the architect and chief propagandist of the insurrection to overturn the “stolen election” of 2020.

In the interest of proving the vast Communist conspiracy against all wealthy people, Elon Musk turned over certain files to be exploited by the MAGA/America First weaponization of government select committee. Musk got once respected Rolling Stone reporter Matt Taibbi to look at selected Twitter files to make the case that Twitter had previously been a partisan arm of the cucktard libtard deep state that has such hateful bias toward The Make America Great Again crowd. Taibbi and Jordan didn’t make much of a case, but here is an egregious example of some of the extreme anti-Trump prejudice of Twitter before it was purchased by Musk.

Trumpie tweeted this during the J6 riot, right before a crowd he’d whipped up with an hour of detailed, inflammatory lies about a stolen election, a crowd who’d already erected a gallows, began chanting “hang Mike Pence!” Note the provocative, unfair anti-Trump nature of the warning about the tweet:

This claim about election fraud is disputed

Taibbi once did great investigative journalism and wrote some excellent books, including a deep dive into the killing of Eric Garner on Staten Island by police, for the crime of being a big black serial committer of misdemeanors. In recent times Taibbi seems to have gone full MAGA. He doesn’t do too well defending his point of view against Medhi Hassan, coming off like a petty, defensive twerp. He gets mad when questioned about thanking Jim Jordan for the honor of testifying to the weaponization committee, and his praise of Lyin’ Ted Cruz. It is always great to watch Mehdi at work.