Category Archives: “funny”

My father was a sometimes charming monster

He was not alone in this category of monster. Some of the most destructive monsters of all time were good looking, funny, smart and engaging. While you were admiring them they were not monstrous at all. They were wonderful, lovely, cool, special, easy to be around, fun.

Once they show you their monstrous side they are obliged to kill you. It is humiliating for them, the possibility they could be revealed as monsters. Better to take no chances, kill all the witnesses, kill them, kill anybody who tries to help a witness!

Today on FOX (“fair and balanced” TM)

You’ve got to hand it to these Nazi motherfuckers, they know how to hammer on the same infuriating lies over and over and over. They’re masters of projection and persuasive reframing for their faithful flock, unless you spend a few minutes doing research of any kind. Three quarters of a billion dollars to settle a defamation suit is not going to cause Murdoch to take his beady eye off the bigger picture: serving up scandalous poison to keep their angry demographic enraged, his political influence hissing full blast and his ad coffers full.

Earlier today I watched a short FOX clip of the woman who took “RINO” Liz Cheney’s seat in Congress. What she said was directly counterfactual, and triggered this libtard, because it was such a brazen pile of shit, but I’ve since forgotten the details of her ridiculous claims (may have been that a candidate’s freedom of speech is unregulatable and threats are protected as merely “aspirational”– though that talking point may have been from Chrump’s latest legal genius). She pointed out that she’s a lawyer and that she knows the law and therefore she’s right. The interviewer was impressed. Convincing stuff.

I know from battling with narcissists, those who can never be wrong no matter what and will resort to the violence needed to “win” a conflict, that the actual story, what really took place, is meaningless. The only thing is to get the death blow in, the emotionally resonant, irrefutable pre-emptive heart rending narrative that wins the fight forever. Once they’ve convinced their marks, nothing you can say will change anyone’s heart or mind.

It’s hard to get one’s brain around that, but I have found it is always the case. Logic, reason, common sense, calmness, patience, gentle persuasion — all the useless tools of helpless nice guy losers in a war where the other tribe fights to the death, on pain of humiliation. Desperate narcissists, grimly determined, are capable of any violence necessary for victory, if all else fails.

That said, here’s Lyin’ Ted Cruz from an interview with a supremely supportive Maria Bartoromo, who emits an enthusiastic “wow!” here and there throughout Ted’s talk. Here is some of what Lyin’ Ted told FOX/MAGA nation Sunday morning:

The Hunter Biden special prosecutor who Merrick Garland appointed, after MAGA demanded it, is a puppet installed by Democrats to cover up for the Bidens. After a Chrump-appointed judge, egged on by briefs from MAGA lawmakers and MAGA think tank geniuses, blew up the deal Hunter Biden made with David Weiss, who has been investigating him for five years — Garland corruptly appointed a Biden puppet engaged in a coverup. David Weiss, Lyin’ Ted insists, has been covering up for Biden for five years, since Chrump appointed him US attorney and AG Barr assigned him to the Hunter Biden caper. The proof is that two Democratic senators from Delaware somehow corruptly made sure David Weiss got the job, according to Lyin’ Ted. Apparently Barr didn’t appoint him, Chrump had nothing to do with it, five years ago these two Democrat [sic] cronies of Joe Biden managed to have this puppet appointed to investigate and cover up for the criminal Biden and his son.

Lyin’ Ted praised the great job Jim Jordan and James Comer have done in uncovering irrefutable proof of Biden’s crimes. Here he goes:

We need to pause and look at what the House has uncovered. James Comer has released bank records that show that the Biden Family and their associates have received over 20 million dollars from Russia, Ukraine and Kazahkstan while Joe Biden was vice president. (“wow!”) Lots of Democrats in defending Biden, they keep using reference to ‘influence peddling’ or access, that’s not what these allegations are . . . the allegations are that Hunter was selling official favors from daddy while he was Vice President of the United States. If you look at the FD-1023 the allegation there is the oligarch who owned Burisma spent ten million dollars, five million to Joe Biden, five million to Hunter Biden in exchange for Joe Biden getting to fire the prosecutor who was prosecuting that corrupt oligarch. We know the second part of the quid pro quo happened, Biden has admitted that he got that prosecutor fired.

After these horrific “revelations” Maria breathlessly asked Lyin’ Ted if he supported an Impeachment Inquiry. “Absolutely, yes.” Three in fact:

Alejandro Mayorkas, for an “unprecedented humanitarian crisis at our southern border” (They don’t call this whining twat Lyin’ Ted for nothin’!)

Merrick Garland “for being brazenly lawless, committing perjury and obstruction of justice.”

Joe Biden for bribery. Bribery is specifically enumerated in the Constitution as a grounds for impeachment, the scholarly Lyin’ Ted points out. There was a quid pro quo, he concludes. “We know the quo, Biden bragged that he held hostage over one billion dollars in loan guarantees to Ukraine to fire the prosecutor investigating the oligarch who owned Burisma.”

source for Lyin’ Ted quotes

No worries for Lyin’ Ted or FOX about being sued by the weak Democrats for defamation, the damning proof of Biden’s crimes, Merrick Garland’s crimes, Mayorkas’s crimes speak for themselves! Now, back to the megachurch with y’all, ya bunch of ignorant assholes.

Orange Polyp — one trick dickhead

Special Prosecutor Jack Smith is a “deranged” “psycho” and a “very sick man” (“did you see him in that purple robe?”) according to serial criminal defendant Chrump. Smith, an insane and dangerous “lunatic” is leading yet another witch hunt against an innocent man, persecuted again for more perfect actions.

And now, a flashback for you, from right before his first impeachment for a perfect phone call (the record of which Barr innocently attempted to block the required release of) to legally blackmail new Ukraine president Zelensky, completely within the scope of the president’s official duties, for the televised announcement of a fake investigation into the corruption of Joe and Hunter Biden:

Well, on the bright side, at least the giant, fucking baby’s not bitching about Rosie O’Donnell anymore.

Context is crucial

Without context, the most idiotic, lying claim can fly, since there is nothing to really measure it against. Every single legal proceeding against the insane former president is a hoax, a witch hunt, a political hit job, yea, illegal partisan election interference, motivated by irrational hatred of the greatest man ever to be president of the smoldering carnage of this once great nation.

With context, well, that kind of broad, moronic claim can be easily seen as the idiotic manipulation it is.

I love the context for the superseding indictment in the documents case that former FBI agent Pete Strozk provided in about a minute. The day after a draft subpoena is sent to Trumpie’s attorney the obstructive frenzy begins: attempts to hide requested documents, destroy servers, delete surveillance video of lackeys hiding documents, deceiving his own lawyers, causing one to sign a false statement about retained documents. All starting right before (and after) the subpoena for the surveillance video was served on the Orange Polyp.

How’s that for context (and consciousness of guilt), Trumpie? Well, done, Pete.

Trumpie seeks another writ of mandamus

He had his lawyers file papers in Georgia Supreme Court to force the Fulton County DA to stop her criminal investigation, remove her from his case, and suppress all of the evidence she has gathered, forever. To seek this extraordinary relief his lawyers had to argue that he has “a clear and indisputable right to the [extraordinary] relief requested” and that there was a serious error in the court below not granting this extraordinary relief.

There was no error and the extraordinary relief requested is only available if there is no other avenue to justice available and several conditions are all met. None of the conditions have been met. Trumpie caused another completely frivolous set of legal papers to be filed, wasting everyone’s time with vexatious delay, using the court as an offensive weapon.

To understand how ridiculous Trumpie’s request for a writ of mandamus is, see the dissent in MAGA Judge Neomi Rao’s erroneous ruling granting Mike Flynn the same extraordinary relief, to which he was also not entitled. Rao was appointed by Trumpie himself to fill the smelly seat on the DC Circuit Court of Appeals recently occupied by the supremely entitled, gassy Boof Kavanaugh.

In her highly deferential opinion, Rao states the law she is about to ignore (before being roundly reversed on appeal):

For this court to grant a writ of mandamus, “the right to relief must be ‘clear and indisputable’; there must be ‘no other adequate means to attain the relief’; and ‘the issuing court, in the exercise of its discretion, must be satisfied that the writ is appropriate under the circumstances.’” In re Cheney, 544 F.3d 311, 312–13 (D.C. Cir. 2008)

Here is very detailed description of the corruption of Trumpie’s first attempt to get Flynn’s guilty plea thrown out. It contains the dissent’s excellent description of what is required for a writ of mandamus and why none of those factors were present for Flynn. No matter what his new attorney, Sidney Powell, or corrupt religious blowhard Bill Barr had to say to the contrary.

Unfortunately for Trumpie, judges are still constrained by the law, until they reach the Supreme Court, of course. Even then, they cannot always wipe their asses with the Constitution. They need carefully constructed Federalist Society-hatched fact-specific cases, lawsuits brought to selected Federalist Society judges for particular outcomes. When these selected cases make their way up to the Supreme Court, where the majority, if sufficiently partisan, may wipe their collective asses with the Constitution. Trumpie’s desperate, frivolous filing is not such a case.

The woke mob goes after another beloved icon

Remember, serial drugger/rapist Bill Cosby got out of jail because a future Trump impeachment lawyer, Bruce Castor, gave him an immunity deal years earlier and some of what he said under this immunity deal was used against him at trial. MAGA gaga. Go eat some more Jello pudding, Bill.

Bill Cosby’s 2018 sexual-assault conviction was thrown out by Pennsylvania’s highest court on Wednesday, and Cosby was released from prison shortly after. The ruling was the product of a deal Cosby had made with a district attorney in 2005 in which the prosecutor promised Cosby he wouldn’t be charged in a case involving Andrea Constand, a former Temple University employee who accused Cosby of drugging and sexually assaulting her in 2004.

That prosecutor — Bruce Castor, then the Montgomery County district attorney — made headlines this year when he represented former President Donald Trump in his second impeachment trial.

Under the terms of his deal with Cosby, Castor asked the disgraced comedian to testify in a civil lawsuit filed by Constand in exchange for avoiding prosecution.

Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court on Wednesday ruled that Castor’s deal with Cosby should have prevented Cosby from being charged in the case, which ultimately landed him behind bars

source