Category Archives: “funny”

The People rest

To the solid 35% who love Trump, no matter what, who regard him as God’s gift to Christianity and as a savior to every unborn fetus everywhere, plus the Klan members and those solely motivated by greed and narrow self-interest who want every penny of their inherited wealth protected forever, no evidence of the big orange turd’s unfitness for office will ever change their minds about their guy.

For voters who are still persuadable, we get things like this regularly:

On Friday, Trump told the Concord, NH crowd: “You know, by the way, they never report the crowd on January 6th. You know, Nikki Haley, Nikki Haley, Nikki Haley, you know, they did you know, they destroyed all of the information, all of the evidence, everything deleted it, destroyed all of it. All of it because of lots of things, like Nikki Haley is in charge of security. We offered her 10,000 people.”

Those who love him can easily defend this typical Trump word salad. They know he was obviously talking about the hated Nancy Pelosi and that he was, understandably, attacking Haley and defending those innocent J6 hostages.

Anybody else will understand that the man who ordered the destruction of all evidence of the plans for and riot on January 6th, all secret service texts and phone calls, all White House logs and everything else, is a dick fingered reflexive practitioner of projection and an insane, wildly confused bastard who should never be anywhere near a nuclear button, let alone inserted as the Heritage Foundation’s dictator.

Grey Lady — nuanced, super-polite and complicit in maintaining the status quo

This passes for sober analysis by the New York Times, in our current Age of Narcissism:

Donald J. Trump’s decisive victory in Iowa revealed a new depth to the reservoir of devotion inside his party. For eight years, he has nurtured a relationship with his supporters with little precedent in politics. He validates them, he entertains them, he speaks for them and he uses them for his political and legal advantage.

This connection — a hard-earned bond for some, a cult of personality to others — has unleashed one of the most durable forces in American politics.

source [1]

You won’t read in the New York Times that millions of Americans have been mercilessly screwed for decades by a system, designed to protect the interests of the super-wealthy, that doesn’t give a rat’s ass about them. It’s not a hard-earned bond between Trump and the people who support him. He constantly validates their rage, which comes from his own rage at being the world’s greatest winner, yet still not having everything. Trump’s enraged inner child snarls resonantly at the enflamed inner children of his supporters. They love the thought of being him, able to grab women by the pussy (and brag about it), orchestrate a scheme to overturn an election, steal secret documents, lie about having returned them, incite a violent riot to keep himself in power, etc.

Super-wealthy and poor alike get the transgressive thrill of loving a powerful cartoon character who has never been wrong about anything, ever, gets a pass for fraud (his shuttered university, the shut down of his “charity”) and is applauded for doing what they’d all love to be able to do: constantly launch vicious attacks against those you hate and lie in your fucking face you goddamned fucking fuck.

As for a deep bond with little precedent in politics — what the devil are you talking about, Grey Lady? There’s plenty of precedent, all of it ended very badly for those who didn’t like being annihilated by an insane demagogue/cornered rat with a deeply devoted following willing to kill and die for their leader.

[1] The Grey Lady’s headline and lede:

The Most Durable Force in American Politics: Trump’s Ties to His Voters

If Donald Trump’s rivals want to stop his rise, they’ll need to break his bond with his supporters. They didn’t come close in Iowa.

Cherub-faced Jesus intoxicated defender of a rapist’s right to see his fetus born

Pictured above, face flushed from his amorous exertions, his master
looking very satisfied with the recent rim job from his boy.

The slimy little motherfucker is down on the southern border right now, with sixty of his fellow MAGA lick spittles, pretending the worst and most pressing problem America, this nation of immigrants, faces is the immigration that his fellow Republicans have done nothing to address, except by staging aggrieved photo ops and demanding capitulation from Democrats before they will release money to our allies, and desperately needed humanitarian aid to the victims of war criminals, including the victims of some of our allies. Same with aid to farmers, same with everything else, aside from campaigning for a demented criminal.

USA! USA!!!

Positions for the mediator

Party one:

I got my back up after he was very threatening and aggressive to me. He claimed that I hurt him very badly, traumatized him, in fact, the way his father used to, so we were suddenly talking about his traumatic childhood, and not anything that actually happened but after I got my back up, I apologized to him. I told him I was sorry that he made me feel threatened, and that I had acted incorrectly by getting my back up when his defiance reminded me of terrible battles with my daughter, which was very upsetting to me. 

Even after I apologized, and months later, even a year later, he couldn’t let it go, he kept obsessively insisting on talking about what he claimed I did to him. He wouldn’t let it go. He kept trying to make it my problem that he had a bad childhood and he tortured my husband for supporting me. He wouldn’t forgive us, no matter how many times we apologized, even though he kept saying he did forgive us, that he would “always” forgive me. He can’t forgive anybody.

Party Two:

After she flew into a rage during a minor disagreement, she glared at me steadily and did not respond to anything that I said. She literally just stared at me, tight-lipped and beaming hostility, as if I was a defiant child and she was my overwhelmed mother, trying her best to hold it together in the face of such disobedience.  I later accepted her apology, pathetic and blame shifting as it was.  I told her I had more to say about this but that I didn’t want to speak while I was still upset (after having not slept a minute the previous night) because I didn’t want to say anything that might damage our long friendship. 

Although she told me she’d be happy to hear what I had to say, she never let me say what I needed to say, the two times I tried she had temper tantrums.  My calls, texts and letters were ignored.   They began accusing me of being mean to them. Her silence, and her husband’s, went on for weeks and months at a time, complete with angry threats and false accusations against me, libels they’d later spread to our mutual friends and their children, their indignant claim that I was an enraged child irrationally trying to blame them for my obvious problems.

Mediation was the only possibility for fixing things, they finally said, after refusing to talk to me without a mediator present, but would not agree about anything — the conflict that sparked the end of our 50 year friendship, the tensions that mounted during that troubling holiday, the extreme coldness by the end, the angry fallout afterwards — claiming that the mediator would know what to do, without any input from the parties.  When they insisted that no agreement was needed, or possible, I understood that mediation was a ruse, a facially generous offer I would have to turn down, once they heaped impossible conditions on it. The beauty was that I could then be plausibly blamed for blowing up their desperate, endearing peace talks.  The one thing my friends can never forgive is someone who can never forgive.

A very, very stable genius of geniuses

“They’ve taken a President who’s very popular, I got 75 million votes, much more than that I believe.  No president’s ever got that many votes, and they’ve taken that number of people, and I think you can double it or almost you can triple it in terms of the real, the feeling.”

The same instinctual bravura as a mathematician goes into calculating his ever-multiplying net worth, the value of his properties (when using them as collateral for low cost loans) or, inversely, for valuing his properties (for purposes of avoiding taxes), for the calculation of his incalculable IQ, which is over 180, probably ten or five thousand times that, if you think about it, really, the feeling.

Semi-comical

But also serious as yer proverbial heart attack

DOJ has defendant Trump’s personal phone from January 6, 2021, after its disappearance and years of concealment (can you say obstruction, boys and girls?) along with all relevant Secret Service and White House, Homeland Security and Department of Defense phone calls and text messages from before, during and after the permitless parade to, and deadly riot at, the Capitol.

And here’s the big guy himself, calm and credible as can be, in his most reasonable and persuasive tones, from a month ago. He was asked about the propriety of weaponizing the government against his enemies.

They’ve taken a President who’s very popular, I got 75 million votes, much more than that I believe.  No president’s ever got that many votes, and they’ve taken that number of people, and I think you can double it or almost you can triple it in terms of the real, the feeling.

“But we’ve watched it for a long time and it’s not unique, but it’s unique for the United States.  Yeah  If they do this, they’ve already done it, but if they want to follow through on this, yeah, it could certainly happen in reverse. It could certainly happen in reverse.

What they’ve done is they’ve released the genie out of the box, you understand that. They’ve done something that nobody thought would happen. They’ve taken a President who’s very popular, I got 75 million votes, much more than that I believe.  No president’s ever got that many votes, and they’ve taken that number of people, and I think you can double it or almost you can triple it in terms of the real, the feeling. You can’t do that, you can’t go after people.

You know when you’re President, and you’ve done a good job and you’re popular, you don’t go after them, so you can win an election. They’ve done indictments in order to win an election. They call it weaponization and the people aren’t going to stand for it. But yeah, they have done something that allows the next party, I mean if somebody, if I happen to be President and I see somebody who’s doing well and beating me very badly I say “go down and indite them”. 

Why people hate lawyers

After 95 pages documenting the mountain of compelling evidence that then president Trump, loser of the “most secure election in US history” (Trump appointed maker of that statement immediately fired), intended to incite, and did incite, an insurrection [1], the violent riot at the Capitol on January 6, 2021 that disrupted the certification of Biden’s electoral college victory, the new judge, (appointed on January 10, 2023}, made her ruling about this particular insurrectionist’s right to be on the Colorado Republican presidential primary ballot.

She concluded that the oath mentioned in the Fourteenth Amendment, to “support” the Constitution, is very different from the president’s oath to “preserve, protect and defend” the Constitution and that, therefore, along with the President not being an enumerated officer of the United States listed in that clause, there was no problem with this particular insurrectionist being on the primary ballot in her state. All he is seeking is the highest office in the land, an “office” which was not mentioned specifically as an office in that clause in the Fourteenth Amendment. Here she goes, with the money shot:

313. Here, after considering the arguments on both sides, the Court is persuaded that “officers of the United States” did not include the President of the United States. While the Court agrees that there are persuasive arguments on both sides, the Court holds that the absence of the President from the list of positions to which the Amendment applies combined with the fact that Section Three specifies that the disqualifying oath is one to “support” the Constitution whereas the Presidential oath is
to “preserve, protect and defend” the Constitution, it appears to the Court that for whatever reason the drafters of Section Three did not intend to include a person who had only taken the Presidential Oath.


Which, of course, makes perfect sense…

[1] “Trump acted with the specific intent to incite political violence and direct it at the Capitol with the purpose of disrupting the electoral certification,” she wrote. “Trump cultivated a culture that embraced political violence through his consistent endorsement of the same.”