Every conflict is fatal

You learn that when you are in a conflict with someone who can’t be wrong, no matter what, that you will always be killed in the end.  Your death is preordained and can only be avoided by sacrificing your integrity, agency and any need to be authentic. In addition you must assume complete responsibility for the other person’s unhappiness, indignation and rage.   Failure to assume all blame, or relinquish control, integrity and responsibility are capital offensess to someone who can never be wrong.

they behave with frightful consistency

The narcissist always behaves the same way and one case is hard to distinguish from every other case.   They cannot be wrong because they believe they are better than others.  They are better because they are perfect, charming, beautiful, generous.   This grand self-image is very fragile and easily offended by anything it perceives as critical.  Once threatened with humiliation— the only alternative to grandiosity — this type always behaves the same way — a grim, desperate, sometimes irrational struggle to prevail by any means necessary because they cannot lose.  Losing is death to them and being a loser is a slow death sentence and any scenario where they don’t prevail is an unbearably humiliating outcome. The struggle is always to the death, and they never intend to be on the short end of that contest.

Change equals death

They cannot change.  Change requires honesty, openness, willingness to feel and acknowledge pain, the ability to accept fault, the understanding of what a true apology is, vulnerability, the ability to accept causing someone else pain, to sincerely make amends and many other things that a narcissist can never do.

When they argue that you cannot change they become determined to prove it to you.  Remember that they can’t be wrong, no matter what. If you offer your undeniable improvement in controlling your temper, they will prove you are not immune to anger, no matter how insanely they must turn up the heat to prove it.