Comedy, it has been said, is tragedy plus time, giving rise to Gilbert Gottfried’s immortal “too soon?” as he embarked on a tasteless, but hilarious joke, shortly after the 9/11 atrocity. I don’t necessarily see the profundity of that observation about comedy (is it inevitably a riff on tragedy?), but there is something undeniably helpful about the passage of time to aid in the old perspective. Without some temporal distance from something that gives you pain, it feels impossible, while smarting, that you will ever begin to heal from the wound.

Then, as I have noticed as weeks passed, whenever things were the worst for me, with enough time passed you start to emerge from the wreckage. You can see things better once the smoke, and dust, and poisonous gas have settled, it has rained a few times, clearing the air a bit, once you’ve thought about and talked through things with smart people you trust. The pain begins to diminish, to fade into the past. It seems to me that gaining clarity about the cause of your pain, and having a good sounding board or two, are immensely helpful in this healing process, but I think it happens naturally, to some extent, with the simple passing of enough time. This is particularly true in the case of loss.

It is unthinkable, while the wound is fresh, that you will ever not be in agony, ever find the emotional distance you need to calmly understand what you need to do to heal. Once healing starts, baby, you’re on your way to greater understanding of life in general. You learn that there are some hellish things you just can’t fix. Life goes on. You will be fine.