“There’s been a lot of whining about the Electoral College since, for the second time in the last five presidential elections, the winner of the popular vote, a Democrat, lost in the Electoral College to the Republican, who went on to become president according to the Constitution,” said the skeleton breezily, sitting up alertly in his grave.  

“That’s arguably by the intent of the Framers’, Elie.  American democracy was based on a series of compromises between wealthy white men whose wealth was not based on slave labor, and those whose wealth was.  Fair is fair, Elie.  In the Northern states manufacture and, to some extent, in places like New York, the slave trade (but not slavery itself, God forbid) were sources of wealth.  In the South it was labor intensive monocultures, cotton and tobacco.  To make those crops really lucrative, it was best to have a slave labor force to pick it.   So keep your cotton pickin’ hands off our slaves, son of a bitch. 

“To ensure the deal, and make sure popular opinion, that might be eventually be revolted by something as inherently repulsive as chattel slavery, did not get the final say, safeguards were put into place to make sure the wealthiest Americans did not have to resort to dirty tricks or violence to keep the populace in line.  One of these ‘compromises’ was the Three-Fifth’s Compromise that is so famous today, and rightfully so.  

“For purposes of apportionment to Congress, and to give more power to the more sparsely populated southern states, each slave counted as 3/5 of a man.   So if you owned 500 slaves, your district got a boost of 300 ‘citizens’ for purposes of apportionment and say so in the Electoral College.   In effect this manipulation of the electorate– using slaves, who were neither citizens nor voters, to increase the voting power of their masters  — equalized the playing field for the rich of the North and the genteel, slave holding Planters of the South.  

“All this to say that it’s no surprise a media-star billionaire who lost the popular vote by more than ten times the margin JFK beat Nixon by is the president-elect of the United States today.  It is as the Framers intended it, you might say, if you were the smug skeleton of, say, Antonin Scalia.  

“You want the punchline?  Alexander Hamilton was very proud of the Elector College, he thought it the most ingenious part of the Constitutional scheme, because… wait for it…. it would protect the new republic from ever being taken over by a demagogue.   You can’t make this shit up, seriously,”  the skeleton nodded, jaws clacking.

“Have a nice day, Elie,” said the skeleton, “I’ve got to sleep this one off.”