The man who made the case that many in our society suffer from Honor Anemia was himself a highly respected member of our civic society.   He was treated with deference in restaurants he frequented and he always handled this attention with smiling graciousness.   It seemed strange that the theory about people craving respect was his, but here it is:

We live in a society where many people feel disrespected.  They crave the honor of being treated fairly, recognized for their efforts, they suffer greatly from the lack of it.  If you give somebody a title, special recognition, it goes a long way.   Honor anemia can only be palliated by giving honor of some kind.

Dale Carnegie noted the same thing a century earlier, if you want to make friends and influence people, and sell things to them or get them to do you favors, you need to make them feel appreciated and important.   Carnegie, and my friend decades later, noted it and it will be noted again, as the lack of respect many people feel is a major cause of anger, depression and violence.   Anger, depression and violence– aren’t those really phases of the same thing?  

We live in a culture where the bottom line more and more requires the individual to be placed on hold, thanked for patience he doesn’t have, forced to talk to robots, get calls from recordings asking him to press numbers so he can get in line to speak to a human who will give him shit about something, usually a bill.   We live in a culture organized on the myth of the free individual and his inalienable rights, yet very few get to be treated as unique individuals.   Much suffering flows from this anonymizing of most of us.

“You think too much, you write too much and you’re giving me a head ache.  Would you do me the honor of shutting the fuck up, please, at least while I bolt this crappy, high-fat, low-nutrition fast food dinner I’m trying to get down?”

“Of course, sir, my bad.”