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Point of view determines what we see, obviously, how we interact with the world, and, to some extent, how the world interacts with us.  The glass half full, glass half empty, cost vs. benefit, things looking up, things hopeless — matters of opinion based on point of view.  In politics we have that wonderful term from economics, externalties, the hidden costs of a transaction.  What these externalities actually are is determined by where one stands to look at them.

For some of us to get the things we value, a lot of others might have to lose things they value.  Access to clean water, for example, or a safe home, or healthy traditional diets replaced with the Obesity/Diabetes Diet.  We have mass malnutrition in a land of plenty, and deforest the planet so that billions and billions of Happy Meals can be served worldwide.  (Point of view, somebody please give me the upside of any of these externalities.)

It’s human nature, after enough time passes many people stop harping on a few centuries of slavery, extermination of native peoples, destruction of the environment, externalities like that.  In order to create great wealth great sacrifices sometimes have to be made.  The people who make these sacrifices, with no say in the matter, are called losers.  We have literally billions of them living on the earth right now, they are all around us.

I apologize.  I’m cranky, carping on the nonstartling idea of atrocious injustice in the world.  Surely I’m not advocating a society where those with the least get a shot at a decent life, where those with the most are required to play fair with the rest.  That would violate the American Dream:   when I own Walmart I want to pay my workers the least the law will allow, let the government buy their health insurance.  Every cent I don’t pay my workers in wages or benefits goes directly into my pocket.

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It’s particularly airless in NYC the last few days.  There is some air, but it is thick, heated and hard to breathe.  You can breathe it, of course, but it doesn’t refresh you very much.  If you live in an airconditioned place you will only notice this thick stickiness of the air when you go outside.  The air the fans are pushing around is like warm sludge.  It hits the face like exhaust from an exhaust pipe.  I woke up after a few hours of sleep gasping like a fish on the floor of a rowboat, my head filled with dread.  The dread of everything at once.

Dread that this cyst, or fatty deposit, on the back of my left arm is a tumor.  The dread of being diagnosed with cancer at the same time I am losing the health insurance I’ve been buying for seven years.  The dread of faceless bureaucrats deciding the policy will terminate for individuals and sole proprietors on 12/31/13.  Now you can only buy this insurance if your employer is enrolled in it, God bless our independent entrepreneurs.   

Dread as I think:  if you’re 57 and have a deep family and personal history of cancer, get a job that offers health insurance and make sure you don’t lose it, loser.  They’ve tried to repeal “Obamacare” 37 times now in the land of the free/home of the brave.   Insurance premiums, meanwhile, have skyrocketed in those seven years.  They went up 20% for these last few months I’m eligible.  Tens of thousands of Americans still die preventable deaths of every year for lack of access to affordable health care.

Dread:  having created a radical and so far highly successful program for children, with virtually unlimited potential, and running out of money before it becomes self-sustaining.   As often, I am working for free, or virtually free, and those who receive the free benefit are most pleased with it.  

Dread:  having to find a business partner, somebody by nature and prejudice I think of as dry company, but someone essential for this program turning into a business that can pay my bills, create a few jobs with health insurance for myself and and my fellow workers.

Dread: of selfish, manipulative weasels of my long acquaintance, and the sickening aftertaste of remaining mild with them.

Dread:   new lump under left nipple, male breast cancer or soft tissue sarcoma.  Just what I need.

Dread:   this life-force draining heat and humidity, in this old house of Sekhnet’s, a jerry-rigged electrical system that causes her to fear fire if the air-conditioner is turned on.   So, if it’s 86 degrees and 90% humidity at 2 a.m., splay yourself naked in front of the fan and hope for the best.

The question is does dread depend on your point of view?  So let’s flip all this to another point of view and have a look.

I’ve made significant strides in my life and with my program.  I’m not making money, true, but rich personal history.   I’m taking careful notes, with soundtracks and animated shorts.  I remain modest, most of the time.  I use my talents for good instead of evil.   I strive to be collaborative, creative and mild.  I am trying my best to be the change I want to see in the world.  

Looked at through the long view of my life, the selfish, manipulative weasels with the bitter aftertaste are also friends of many years, chaps I usually have a good larf with.  

Alternate point of view: it is all good, all good, or to be taken care of, moving in the direction I want to move, remaining calm, in the face of the many compelling reasons not to remain calm.  

If you believe in the laws of karma you will know that the good I am doing will be paid back to me at some point.   The heat and unbearable humidity will pass and I’ll be shivering and putting on a polar-tech jacket soon enough.  I’ll make medical appointments and hopefully get good medical news rather than a diagnosis of the dreaded soft tissue sarcoma.  I’ll figure out the solution to the sudden loss of medical insurance, as I will be obliged to.  All will be resolved.  And in the end, after all, there is only death, and what we did during this blink of an eye here.