According to Erik Erikson the final stage of human life is marked by stagnation and bitterness or continued growth and a giving back that brings a kind of fulfillment. As I have entered this last quarter of my life I opt for continuing to grow and become a force for hope, compassion and creativity, rather than a bitter old bastard.
I am, however, at the moment, one bitter old bastard. It is a surprisingly bitter battle not to become bitter. If friends toast my “success” without even asking how things went the other day in the first actual workshop, it is merely the way of the world and I should not linger on any darker feelings it may raise.
So I take this moment to express my gratitude for the hope I possess, in spite of myself, in the face of almost unanimous indifference, that I will continue to learn and grow and help others do the same.
These tiny steps I take with the candle, cupping my hand around its small flame as the bitter winds whip the darkness all around, I am very grateful for them. Each heavy-legged step is a step away from bitterness and toward the light.
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Oh honey, this world is fickle. People invest in some ways and not other. We are all guilty of it without meaning to. What matters to one doesn’t matter to another. I just do my best to make each person I talk to and interact with feel special because they all touched me in different ways.
x,
Becca
Very kind of you to offer these words of comfort. I remember a time when I was young and not so bitter about people who make promises and then do the opposite, or people who ask large favors they know they’ll never reciprocate. But I am working on getting back to that perspective you describe– after all, the only thing we can change is our reaction to people who surely don’t mean to be maddening assholes. Thanks for your comment and your sympathy.
P.S. please let me know if this comment reaches you, I have no idea how the blogosphere works with these things.
Your comment is here 🙂 Top right corner it lights up and tells me. If you click on my picture it takes you to my blog. It all works together 🙂
I work the opposite of you. People disappointed me way more when I was younger. The older I get the more I realize it is about choice. If I do something for reciprocation, I will never be happy. I just put good energy into the world and know it will return to me somehow. It always does. 🙂
x,
Becca