Category Archives: “funny”

Rabid Rat Fight

The grotesquely wealthy far-right psychos and their megachurch evangelical allies who own, and the network of professional ratfuckers who now operate our government, behind these two obscenely wealthy, clearly addled psychopaths (Trump and Musk) are probably not very concerned about this cage match. However it goes, they have their morally retarded Ivy League boy standing by, like the Proud Boys once did, to take over as president, once Trump goes down, one way or the other. I have to say, though, it is fun to watch these two outgassing sphincters clawing at each other this way.

Mass murder of children? Chill, bro

Talk about a “disgusting abomination” (Elon Musk’s petulant name for Project 2025’s Big Ugly Bill that will kick millions of working and disabled Americans off their health insurance programs and let more children go to bed hungry in the richest country in the world, among other abominations)… the first actual casualties of the world’s wealthiest insane refugee from the end of White Supremacy Apartheid in South Africa, in his role as head of an illegally constituted government “department”, are the non-white children of Africa.  Who would have thought an insanely greedy megalomaniacal proponent of the Great Replacement “theory” would be instrumental in killing tens of thousands of black and brown children by starvation, toxic water and disease?  An estimated 103, mostly children, are dying EVERY HOUR.  24 hours after I post this more than 2,400 more poor people will be dead.

American corporate media is tastefully silent about the ongoing mass deaths– mostly children, that Trump’s illegal impoundment of funds allocated for USAID are causing worldwide.  It’s as if all the world’s children are now Palestinian children, born into a world of terrorism, and the media of the world can’t bear to report on their maiming and killing.

In officially parting from the insane white supremacist Musk, Trump’s White House leaked the shocking news that superfreak AI glitchbot, often almost, semi-convincing human impersonator Mr. Musk, who appears whacked out of his mind during awkward public appearances, was actually high as a cyberkite on a daily cocktail of mind-altering drugs. 

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse had a good image of these destructive, lawless, whining, endlessly transactional and combative “winners” during a committee hearing: 

“It strikes me that what we have here is a team that has taken the field and engaged in unprecedented numbers of fouls, unprecedently flagrant fouls, and when the refs blow the whistle on the unprecedented number of fouls the partisans of the team committing the fouls call out the referees for the unprecedented number of whistles they blow.”

Sounds about right.  USA!  USA!!! Make America violent and suicidal again!

A perfectly reasonable story

Here’s a little story to illustrate what a perfectly reasonable story is made of, particularly in our age of manipulative social media and the algorithms that keep everyone’s eyes glued to their phones to have our biases confirmed over and over, our outrage stoked.   

Here are the elements of a reasonable story:  the setup is something people can relate to, the unfolding tale is something that rings a bell of true life for them, the ending makes perfect sense in light of the rest of it.   If you trust the storyteller, the context of the story is familiar, and emotionally resonant, the story will be perfectly reasonable to most people.   A story that sounds perfectly reasonable, given the culture we live in , leaves you with no real questions.

So, yesterday I went into a big sporting goods store in a mall, a chain store.  There were two greeters at the door, a male and a female.  Neither one acknowledged me as I approached, neither one could be bothered to turn their heads one inch in my direction.  I was walking slowly with a cane, talking to them, and these two fitness models never even turned to look at me.  I wanted to know where the shoe department was.  I was looking for shoes with the greatest possible cushioning, to try to help my painful knees.  

Asking these two for help was like talking to a fucking wall.   I understand they don’t get paid much, probably minimum wage, and they are from a younger generation, one that doesn’t always make eye contact with humans as much as with screens, but I was asking very little of them, almost nothing.  “Excuse me, can you direct me to the shoe department?”

“Hello,” I said, trying to get their attention.  After the third or fourth attempt I got the message loud and clear.  I was very tempted to tell them to go fuck themselves, but just limped off to find the shoe department on my own.   

The salesman who helped me was very nice, and helpful, and I wound up finding a comfortable pair of very cushioning shoes.  I told him about the two greeters who had been so rude, literally pretending to be deaf and blind.  He smiled indulgently, sympathetically, what else could he actually do?

I didn’t hold it against him, there was nothing he could do about his rude colleagues.  He did his job well, made good recommendations, accurately predicted which of the three pairs of shoes he brought out for me to try on I’d wind up buying.  A very nice guy and I’m hopeful the shoes will help ease my painful bone on bone, metal on metal, knee caps.  If not, this chain has a very reasonable return policy of 90 days, as long as I don’t abuse the shoes during that time.  

I completely forgot about those two dick heads by the front door, until I had to pass them again on the way out.  I called out “goodbye” in a loud voice and neither of these robotic pricks so much as turned their heads to acknowledge I was there.

I took their picture before I left, so you can see what we are all up against in the greatest nation Jesus ever personally gave his blessings of peace and freedom, and the Second Amendment, to.

Loyal, but an ignoramus

Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem was testifying before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee about the Department of Homeland Security’s budget for fiscal year 2026. When Senator Maggie Hassan (D-NH) asked her to define “habeas corpus,” Noem’s response indicated she has no understanding of the nation’s fundamental law.

“Habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country,” Noem said. Hassan corrected her: “Habeas corpus is the legal principle that requires that the government provide a public reason for detaining and imprisoning people. If not for that protection, the government could simply arrest people, including American citizens, and hold them indefinitely for no reason. Habeas corpus is the foundational right that separates free societies like America from police states like North Korea.”

Source

Grey Lady, gaslight, bad smell…

Nobody in the Grey Lady’s perceived social class, of course, will be severely hurt, although poor people will, we mean “may”, may be fucked pretty hard by this brazen giveaway to the nation’s wealthiest and most greedy, at the expense of things like health care and sufficient food for certain “underprivileged” children and adults.  

From the headline it’s a little easier to believe there is no reason to fear the post-Constitutional vision these determined anti-democracy maniacs pursue to end majoritarian tyranny, as they call it. It may end badly, but many might become even richer!

The Pope vs. the recent convert to Catholicism

And there’s this:

Also today [May 5], at a meeting to announce that Washington, D.C., will host the 2027 National Football League draft, Trump confirmed that he suddenly decided to announce he was reopening Alcatraz because the word sounded strong. “It represents something very strong, very powerful in terms of law and order. Our country needs law and order. Alcatraz is uh, I would say the ultimate, right? Alcatraz. Sing Sing and Alcatraz, the movies…. Nobody’s ever escaped from Alcatraz and just represented something, uh, strong having to do with law and order. We need law and order in this country. And so we’re going to look at it. Some of the people up here are going to be working very hard on that, and, uh, we had a little conversation. I think it’s gonna be very interesting. We’ll see if we can bring it back. In large form, add a lot. But I think it represents something. Right now, it’s a big hulk that’s sitting there rusting and rotting, uh, very, uh, you look at it, it’s sort of, you saw that picture that was put out. It’s sort of amazing, but it sort of represents something that’s both horrible and beautiful and strong and miserable, weak. And it’s got a lot of it’s got a lot of qualities that are interesting. And I think they make a point”

source

Photographic proof, MS-13

Self-portrait of an asshole

Posted by the wannabe Pontiff himself on Trench Central.

The photo is as real as the MS-13 “tattooed” on Abrego Garcia’s knuckles.   You can trust Truth Social, it’s social, meaning friendly, and it has truth in the name.  Why would they lie?  Trump is obviously the new Pope, though the lying media (die lügenpresse) will not let the world know.

Tip of the hat to Larry

A bit of comedic cowardice from Bill Maher

Larry David, showing how it’s done.

My Dinner With Adolf

As the Times op-ed editor ended his piece defending publishing the satire:

Larry David, in a provocation of his own, is arguing that during a single dinner or a private meeting, anyone can be human, and it means nothing in the end about what that person is capable of.

Disgruntled FORMER EMPLOYEES!

I love that while MAGA Pete Hegseth was standing in front of his kids angrily defending himself, (right sideburn down past the bottom of his ear, the other cut short), for at best sloppiness with national security (under normal circumstances violations of the Espionage Act) he had a moment of real human emotion.  Listen to how his voice goes up after he delivers the word “disgruntled” to describe his three top advisors that he fired and blamed for being “leakers”.  He sings those words in a high-pitched, childish tone, wonderful to hear from our Christian white nationalist Secretary of Defense.  If you’re Putin, that is.

I understand now why my sister, as a girl, was always terrified of “scary clowns.”

God’s will, baby, can’t argue with that.

How a headline frames the story

This DOJ attorney, Erez Reuveni, was placed on leave by Trump’s DOJ and then summarily fired for being candid to a judge in a federal court.  His only struggle, as an officer of the court, was trying not to lie or be evasive in response to the judge’s questions. Reading it most charitably to ABC, the DOJ did struggle in Maryland migrant case, though Reuveni did not.

Or as the New York Times told it at the time:

Career lawyers representing the government have a long tradition of arguing for the goals of Republican or Democratic administrations, regardless of their personal views. What is different now, they say, is that they increasingly feel trapped between President Trump’s partisan political appointees, who insist on a maximalist approach, and judges who demand comprehensible answers to basic questions.

The most vivid example of this squeeze came on Saturday when one of the department’s senior immigration lawyers, Erez Reuveni, was suspended indefinitely after speaking candidly about the administration’s mistaken deportation of a Maryland man to a notorious megaprison in El Salvador. . .

. . . “Good clients listen to their lawyers,” the judge, Paula Xinis, said.

Instead, the client punished its lawyer. In a letter on Saturday, Todd Blanche, the deputy attorney general, said Mr. Reuveni had failed to follow orders and instead committed “conduct prejudicial to your client.”

A second senior immigration lawyer involved in the Abrego Garcia case, August Flentje, was also placed on administrative leave for his failure “to supervise a subordinate,” according to two officials familiar with the move.

source

But corporate media like ABC (who already wrote a fat check to Trump to settle a frivolous lawsuit the president brought against them for a truthful on air statement by one of their talking heads), you know they have to be so careful, because access and frivolous lawsuits and extortion and shakedowns and threatened shutdowns and loss of license, and baseless defamation claims, the threat of censorship and the demand to obey an advance and loss of sponsorships. 

Falling into corporate disfavor by alienating the powerful, and vengeful, is suicidal behavior for a corporation.  So you write the headline that frames it in the best light for the guy you just wrote the multimillion dollar check to Trump’s “library” to avoid a lawsuit you could have easily had dismissed. Hence: THE DOJ LAWYER WHO REFUSED TO LIE TO OR STONEWALL THE JUDGE STRUGGLED IN COURT.  

USA!  USA!!!